Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
