I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
