please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
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