So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
