Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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