i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Randomize
