im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I think im going to throw up on grandma
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
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