yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
