eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
