she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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