Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
