i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
