My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
you didnt know i had herpes?
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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