We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
