I'm eating all of the evidence.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
