Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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