Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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