rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
