The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
