I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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