Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
