dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
