Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
