i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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