so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Randomize
