youre lurking in front of me
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
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