How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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