My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
