Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
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