Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
