U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
