I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
