He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
