The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I want to fling myself into the sun
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Randomize
