Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
