You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
