you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
