This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
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