i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
