Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Randomize
