last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
