I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
