You made me cry and you don't even care
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Randomize
