I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
