Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
