You're so nebulous sometimes
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
