going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Randomize
