Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
She announced her abortion via fbk
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
