just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Randomize
