So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
how drunk are you?
Several
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
