I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
