smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
