i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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