I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
