Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
